Here's a strange conversation I had last night...

god, please don't let me die of this.
ok, can I put you down for getting hit by a bus then?

You never know, right? Not good to have deep thoughts late at night to the hum of an IV.

I'm a little whacked right now not having gotten more than an hour and a half of sleep at a time. I am also admittedly depressed that it does not appear that we can cure this thing. My oncologist tells me that we have moved to the chronic phase of this mess which could be years of treatment. Or I could get struck by lightning. Also she reminds me that we are going to try some new stuff like Avastin and there are some gene targeted therapies that may work against my kind o'badness. Sometimes what appears to be perfectly awful like having a cancer gene can have a silver lining (hey, what's Warren Buffet doing with all his?). A ton of money is being poured into research for BRCA positive breast cancer. I no longer need to have pink ribbon envy.

My gut may have started to wake up so I may be out of here before too long. Not a moment too soon.

See you all soon.

love,
beth