Monday, November 24, 2008

Annie Get Your Pliers!

Doing great, no concerns, no needs at this time. Now that I have taken care of business I feel a song coming on...maestro if you please...

The staples come out tomorrow!
Bet your bottom dollar that I'd take a pair of pliers to them myself!
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'm metal free tomorrow.
Throw those instruments of torture away!
(with apologies to Broadway fans, although if you actually like Annie...)

Alain came back from the Philadelphia Marathon with a big, silly grin on his face. He ran a fantastic time which I can't remember right now and has probably qualified for the Boston Marathon. He was elated and I am so happy he had the opportunity to do the race he had trained so hard for.

Tomorrow we leave for the Great White North. We're driving to New Hampshire for my mother's annual food orgy. We'll break up the drive with a motel which will make my son, Sam supremely happy. He has developed a sincere fondness for the service industry and thinks motels are akin to a Las Vegas resort.

Some people might be bored with how we do Thanksgiving at my parents' house but I can't think of a better way to pack on a few pounds. Here's how it usually goes: everyone is coming this year so the house will packed to the gills. Many of us sit around doing nothing all day except my sister, The Organizer who will cart her brood off to the ski store or to "do something." My husband is also less tolerant of the inactivity and will occasionally round up one or both of my kids for a trip to the playground or a walk when he has deemed that Sam has had too much TV by the greenish glow of his skin or Adam looks like he's auditioning for Rain Man: the Early Years (what a good Dad).

Doug likes to work/play on his computer a lot. My Dad excels at getting in my mother's way with vacuum cleaners and brooms while she's trying to cook. My brother Ted and I have traditionally parked our butts on the couch for large parts of the day. Of course Ted has a new baby this year so the previous scenarios may be history.

At about 4:30 the tempo changes. The "do-ers" have usually come back from whatever stimulating activity they were forced to do and the "relaxers" are starting to get a little energy. We all converge on the kitchen for pre-dinner libations. Alain, Doug, and my Dad will start in on the fancy beers. Either Alain's homebrews or some microbrews. Ted and I are into the cocktails. We favor gin and tonics, gimlets and manhattans but occasionally get creative. Kate sometimes will have some wine or a drink, sometimes not. Mom will sample the dinner wine or get one of Alain's beers.

The one variation to this routine is if the men get bored before 5:00 and start making trips to the basement early. Then they take turns trying to piss off each other's wives by offering each other multiple refills before dinner.

Someone will usually make up a cheese/pate platter with whatever fancy stuff my mother has bought. We all like the fancy stuff, especially my sister's kids who have dubbed smelly, french cheeses "Franny cheese" in honor of my mother. The pate has come to be known as "brown cheese." We all decide on our favorites.

Dinner follows shortly after and is bound to be a very gourmet affair prepared by Granny Franny with a lot of skill and a little yelling (Jesus Christ, Hal! Don't start washing the dishes now!). Dinner is a game of defensive drinking, meaning you watch the wine bottle and refill your glass before my Dad polishes it off.

Relax if you're thinking of planning an intervention. Nobody gets tanked (too much protein).

I can't think of a better way to put on five pounds. I hope your holidays are as much fun.

Coming up, more on the association between caramel corn and trash bags and why Three Mile Island still causes trouble in New Hampshire.

Dr. Bif

Friday, November 21, 2008

All quiet on the western front...

Nothing new to report today.

Alain has set off for Philadelphia. He says he doesn't know how he's going to do. However he hasn't been too crabby lately, a sure sign of pre-race jitters so I expect he'll do well. We think he's got the tallest French-Canadian category nailed down.

My folks and I went out for lunch today. I was watching Bizarre Foods last night and told my Dad the soup they were describing (Vietnamese pho-a noodle soup made with beef and beef "parts") was actually delicious and I knew where to get him a bowl. This tells you a lot about my Dad. I personally admire someone who is not only willing but interested in trying a food he has only seen on a TV show with the word "bizarre" in the title. I'm the same way. Assuming something is edible, I'll eat anything once.

My mother was not such an easy sell. She has a hard time with things that slither or look like they do. However the more I waxed on about how good this soup is the more irritated she became and finally said: Ok, I'm coming. Really this stuff is good. It's rice noodles with beef broth seasoned with cilantro, thai basil and cilantro. You add lime juice and chili sauce. They bring a massive portion to you and so far I have not mastered the art of eating those long noodles out of a soup bowl without getting it all over myself. I love the stuff. Why it was featured on Bizarre Foods is because the native version frequently has stomach, liver and other parts in it. This was much tamer with just a tiny bit of tripe (yes, that's the stomach). Mom and Dad got the chicken version (pansies!). I think they liked it but can't see what all the fuss is about. Frankly I can't see what all the fuss is about caviar.

Really now, caviar is just salty and crunchy. Big deal. Sure I'll eat it on blini with a little sour cream but I won't pay hundreds of dollars for it. Frankly I won't pay hundreds of dollars for any single item that I am planning on putting in my mouth.


Dr. Bif

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's a whole new Wegmans

Howdy,
Not much new at the ranch. My mother is, at this moment, surfing through every single channel we have to find the NFL channel. We have digital cable. She's going to be at this a while. My parent's took me to Wegman's today. I rode around on one of those scooters. I felt so sheepish about it that I periodically made a point of getting out with obvious discomfort. Wegman's looks very different from the lower vantage. Everyone appeared to be wandering around like zombies. Amazing how many people looked like they had no idea where they were. And yes, many of them ran into me. You're there to shop people.

As promised, the updates first before the mindless drivel. Alain is leaving tomorrow afternoon for Philadelphia to run a marathon. Sam and Adam will be duly entertained by Molly and her Mom on Saturday. We'll be hanging out on Sunday and the kids will have to miss Hebrew school but life will go on. The only thing I'd need on Sunday is a shout out from someone to let me know I could call if we needed something. I can't drive yet.

Well, Franny never found the NFL channel. Apparently we don't have it. Franny is bitter.

In other news, I'm feeling well. The ostomy is doing it's thing. I imagine some of you think that I might be feeling a little (oh gosh, do you think she's really going to say it?) bummed out about the appliance (of course I have no shame!). Honestly, with all the surgery and radiation I've had it's a relief to have it in the bag. Besides for someone as fascinated by the digestive process as me it's not a bad fit.

You know I originally wanted to be a gastroenterologist. Something about being very pregnant while I was interviewing put a damper on the whole thing. My mother urged me to consider immunology. That decision took about 10 seconds. Never looked back.

I think my interest in going into GI started to get serious right before medical school. I had lunch with my mother in the doctor's lunch room one afternoon. There were a few attendings in the room and once they found out I was about to start medical school they all started to spout off about their chosen fields. I think it was Dr. Nordgren, the pediatric neurologist who argued that if you don't have a neural net there's not much worth bothering about. A pulmonologist suggested that if one couldn't perfuse there was nothing to talk about either. A few other candidates made their own suggestions. Dr. Cimis, the gastroenterologist was busy shoveling in his lunch. He lifted his head for a moment and proclaimed "Look, if you can't take a good shit life isn't worth living!" then resumed his lunch.

That ended the conversation and I believed I had found my people.

All for now,
Dr. Bif

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Eagle has landed....

Hey everyone, I'm home. The nurses thought anyone who could drag an IV pole that fast needed to get out of there.

I'm going to start off these blogs by taking care of business so you don't have to read through all my rantings to figure out what's going on with the "health thing" and whether we need anything. Here we go. My parents are here and Fox News is already on the tube. Obviously Alain doesn't read this blog. We are set with food. My mother ate Indian food last night and liked it. Will wonders never cease?

Here's our current dilemma: Alain has trained for months to run the Philadelphia Marathon which is this weekend. His original plan was to leave Friday and come home late Sunday. My parents are here until Saturday. I am not moving very quickly and cannot drive. Would any of you out there in the blogosphere be able to help me out with the kids Saturday evening and Sunday during the day? Act now 'cause otherwise I'm selling the little buggers on Ebay.

Well, I don't have anything to rant about today. I think the auto companies ought to take their licks with bankruptcy just like the rest of us poor slobs. One silver lining of this failing economy is that there will be a lot fewer rude or inattentive service personnel out there when there are 15 guys lined up behind them for their jobs. Case in point. This summer I went into a local bike store to buy a new seat. I stood in front of the array of seats while several 20 something's hung out by the register. I was about to complain when one finally sauntered over. I guess I didn't look enough like a friend of Lance (even though I picked the Tour winner correctly this year). He asked if I needed help. I told him I would like to go on a bike ride that did not feel like a two hour gynecologic exam. I got the seat I wanted and he has a very disturbing mental image to live with.

Cheers,
Dr. Bif

Monday, November 17, 2008

Not much news from the front. Things are still looking well. At best I'll be out late tomorrow. More likely the morning after. I need to leave...no really, I need to leave. This nursing is outstanding here but at a certain point all the crap they do to you in here starts to unravel the reason you came in, presumably to get well.

I already mentioned the sleep deprivation. We don't even have to talk about the food. One things hospitals do well is control severe pain but they really don't get discomfort. Two nights ago after having fallen asleep for about an hour a tech walked in at midnight and threw all the lights on. She stuck the thingy in my ear, stuck the thingy on my finger, squeezed the ever living shit out of my arm with the BP cuff, finally she jabbed me in the finger to get my blood sugar. On her way out she turned off the light and said, "there, I'll let you get back to sleep now." mmm hmmm.

A few minutes later the evil heparin shot-fairy showed up. So I called for back up. Mr. Ambien.

Happy Hal and Granny Franny (my parents) are showing up tomorrow. So there will be gourmet dining, Fox News and football to look forward to with my Mom. Dad's become the master of the afternoon nap. Alain, would you put the TV remote up somewhere real high?

We're good with food right now. Thanks to all who've fed my brood. I'm sure I'll be fine after the surgery. I haven't needed any pain medication at all for this 10 inch incision. I may put up the white flag again when chemo starts. If you will pardon me now, it's time to do a little christmas shopping on the internet. Yeah, call me a Jew-wannabe. But that's another blog.

dr. bif

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Things are looking up. I won't get into details but the new appliance is starting to work. I may still have a day or two in the big house though.

Just wanted y'all to know the ban on visitors is lifted. There never really was one it's just after a big surgery like that having a bunch of people in the room is work. Now I am thoroughly bored and fighting the tendency to become nocturnal. So feel free to come by for a quick visit if you like. That's all for now.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Here's a strange conversation I had last night...

god, please don't let me die of this.
ok, can I put you down for getting hit by a bus then?

You never know, right? Not good to have deep thoughts late at night to the hum of an IV.

I'm a little whacked right now not having gotten more than an hour and a half of sleep at a time. I am also admittedly depressed that it does not appear that we can cure this thing. My oncologist tells me that we have moved to the chronic phase of this mess which could be years of treatment. Or I could get struck by lightning. Also she reminds me that we are going to try some new stuff like Avastin and there are some gene targeted therapies that may work against my kind o'badness. Sometimes what appears to be perfectly awful like having a cancer gene can have a silver lining (hey, what's Warren Buffet doing with all his?). A ton of money is being poured into research for BRCA positive breast cancer. I no longer need to have pink ribbon envy.

My gut may have started to wake up so I may be out of here before too long. Not a moment too soon.

See you all soon.

love,
beth

Thursday, November 13, 2008

hello,
The bad news is there was more cancer than expected. The good news is tht Dr. Angel got most of it out. There is still some residual left on the bladder. I do have a colostomy. fun, fun, fun.

I am not taking anything by mouth yet, until my intestines wake up so I am getting nutrition through the IV. Sleeping a lot. Not much else to report.

beth

Surgery is done. (Posted by the husband)

Beth had the surgery Tuesday morning. There was cancer and they were able to remove most of it. Dr. Angel seemed happy with how it went. Beth is still at the hospital and will be there for a few more days. No word yet on what treatment or when it will start.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The story so far...

Hello everyone,
Thanks for coming. Can I get you a drink?

Welcome to my blog. As many of you know I'm going under the knife in a couple of days. Tuesday, Nov. 11th at Highland to be exact at el crack o'dawn. I've created this blog to post information about the surgery and what's going on so I can get a jump on the tabloids. I don't want to see my face splashed all over the checkout aisle magazine racks with "Famous allergist goes back to rehab!" or "Dr. Bif's botched boob job!"

Now you see the downside to blogs. Just wait until I really get going. Let's talk for a minute about that patient who was questioned by her pharmacist about a medication she has taken for years so she decided to call me about it SUNDAY AT 8:00 AM! What is wrong with people?

Ok, and back to me. After all this is my blog and you're just priviledged to be in it (heh, heh...blog humor). Again, as many of you know I have been to the ovarian cancer rodeo several times. The last time was just over a year ago. I finished treatment for that recurrence in April of this year. Five months later I limped through a half marathon. It wasn't pretty but none too shabby considering a pre-training hematocrit of 30.

I get regular blood tests for CA-125 which is a marker for ovarian cancer (although other things can elevate it). My post treatment level in April was 15. On Halloween it jumped up to 215. BOO! I had a CT scan which shows a pancake like mass near the bladder and the rectum and covered with some loops of bowel. It is not possible for interventional radiology to stick a needle in it to confirm that it is a malignancy. Therefore the dynamic duo of Drs. Angel and Caldwell are going in Tuesday morning to biopsy and remove if possible. Here are the possible outcomes:

1. No cancer. Whahoo. Details of the huge party I will throw to follow.
2. Cancer and it comes out with or without a permanent colostomy. (I already did this once for 6 months. I can poop into a bag and watch TV simultaneously. It's called multi-tasking).
3. Cancer and it can't come out. Too many adhesions or other problems. Dr. Angel is quick to point out that this is not a death sentence. I would be treated with chemo alone.

There will certainly be chemo after the surgery even if the mass is removed. There may be complications because the surgeons are going into previously irradiated tissue and it doesn't heal well. Dr. Angel thinks I may be in the big house for a week.

Alain will take me to the hospital on Tuesday. Ann will man the fort (with Morgan) for a little while until the kids get up. Alain will come home after I go to the OR. Vicky our intrepid nanny will come over Tuesday so Alain can come see me after the surgery or so Sam and Alain can go to a movie. It's Sam's birthday on Tuesday (I know, just shoot me).

Please don't call the day of the surgery unless you would like to listen to me drool. I'm pretty sure I won't be up for visitors that day yet either. It's ok. I know you're all out there sending good vibes. A couple friends have offered casseroles this week and I'm going to the store tomorrow so I think we'll be good. I will post here if we could use any food. Our freezers are kind of full right now so a deluge of comestibles would actually be a problem.

That's all the news now. I'll have Alain update while I'm at Highland. Thank you all.

Beth

p.s. Dr. Bif is an old nickname of mine. It's from my initials, BF. We used to initial everything when I was a medical assistant. Dr. Fine, an impossibly British doctor with wire rims and a goatee looked at a form just after I started working and said, "who the hell is Bif?". It changed to Dr. Bif once I went to med school.